Hidden Relations
by rapidly jackhammering
Summary: After Christmas Holidays, Hogwarts will never be the same. Draco discovers the truth about his family, while many other's love lives tangle with one another. When they all discover the hidden relations, will it end loving friendships? Set in year 4...
1. Default Chapter

Hidden Relations

By: Whitney Black and Zoe Lupin

On a cold winter's night, Sandy Black contemplated the door in front of her, wondering if her child lived within this barrier. After fourteen years, she finally decided she should find the baby she left in the arms of her good friend to give away to someone whom she knew would care for him.

Finally, she knocked, knowing that her lost child probably would not be here, but maybe someone would allow her shelter for the night.

A man with long, blonde hair answered the door, buttoning up his shirt.

"Sorry," he muttered, as if talking to himself, "my son and I were just having a little talk… There comes a time in every man's life when-"

"Enough," Sandy remarked mournfully, holding up her hand signaling him to stop, "I need someplace to stay for the night."

"I don't think so…"

"Oh, please! I've no place to go. I'm pureblood!"

"Really?" he asked, "Well, come on in." He led her into the magnificently decorated mansion and to the huge kitchen.

"I told my son, Draco, that a huge pile of candy was down in the basement and he won't be returning for quite some time. It takes him a while to realise that the candy's not there."

Sitting down on a cushioned chair, and not really knowing how to reply to that statement, decided to start by introducing herself, "I'm Sandy Black."

The man stopped in the process of sitting down, and stared at her with wide eyes.

"I remember you, Beech," He whispered, moving slowly towards her, "from school, Hogwarts."

"Who are you?" she asked worriedly.

"Lucius Malfoy," he answered, "So you got married to Sirius Black, huh?"

Sandy sat there in shock. She remembered Lucius Malfoy as an enemy at school, and hoped never to see his ugly (but he wasn't that ugly, really) face again. Yet, here he was standing right in front of her.

"Yeah… You married?"

"Well… Yes…" He hesitated. Lucius was also quite alarmed at the fact that filthy Sandy Beech (but she wasn't that filthy, really) was sitting in his very own kitchen. "Married to Naricca, but… I crapped my pants last night and when the toilet over flowed—I was about to take my pants off when it just burst out—and Naricca got really mad."

"Where is she now?"

"Well, she's in bed, upstairs, waiting… to get. IT. ON!!! But when Draco overheard us he came in and asked us how babies are made. And right as I reached the climax of the talk, **_YOU_** had to disturb Draco's and my private learning experience!!"

"Is Draco what you would call… Special?"

"**WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?** Draco is a sexy youngster with a fresh mind looking for an adventure!"

At that very moment, Draco rushed into the room, sweat dripping from his face. He was looking bloody dashing in the new pink Armani sweater his father had gotten him for Christmas.

"Daddy! Daddy! There is no candy in the basement!"

"Well son… Sometimes the candy just goes up to the attic."

Draco zoomed up the stairs, but on the 19th stair he ran back down and questioned, "Father, why should the condoms be sour cream and onion flavoured?"

Sandy raised and eyebrow at Lucius while he hurriedly replied, "That shall be discussed at a later time, Draco. Now go get the candy before… **Dobby eats it all!**"

Draco looked at the stairs, freaked out, and ran as fast as his horrendously sausage-like legs (but they weren't that horrendously sausage-like, really) would carry him.

As Draco climbed up the stairs, Naricca slowly worked her way down each step in nothing but a short see-though bathrobe.

Taking one look at Sandy Black, she began to shriek violently at Lucius saying, "I knew you were cheating on me! Working late at Severus' house my foot! You've been getting' it on with **_HER!!_**" After many more vulgar words, she ended by a severe bashing and saying, "Get out! I never want to see your ugly (though he wasn't that ugly, really) face again! And take the filthy sausage-legged (but he wasn't that sausage-legged, really) kid with you!!!"

Sandy was quite confused at all of this family's commotion as Draco came running down the stairs yelling, "Daddy! Daddy! There is no candy in the attic either!"

Naricca, with a loud howling shriek, threw him out into the cold night air along with Sandy and Lucius.

Draco began to cry on Sandy's shoulder. Trying to comfort him she said, "Don't worry, your father will find us a place to stay." But it seemed Draco wasn't listening for his only reply was, "I didn't find the candy!!!!!"


	2. ANightWithSeverus

As Sandy, Lucius, and Draco sat in Severus Snape's Kitchen, eating a late dinner, regarding the night's events, Severus asked, "So WTF mates, why'd she kick you out? She doesn't... know, does she?"

Sandy, who had been picking at her badger's meat Severus had served them, looked up quizzically, and asked, "Know what?"

Lucius suddenly looked very angry and snapped,"NO! She doesn't know!"

"Daddy! Daddy! We have to get to the Gorrilla Unit concert now!" Draco shrieked.

Everyone glared at Draco for a few short seconds and then became completely ignored as Sandy questioned,"She doesn't know about what!?"

Daddy!Daddy! Now! We can't wait a minute longer! We have to go now!!!!"

Draco looked up at his father, tears welling up in his eyes. With Sandy questioning Lucius about these dangerous matters, he thought it was best to leave as quickly as possilbe from the table.

"Alright, Draco, We'll go!" Lucius hollered as he threw his napkin down and stormed out of the house. Draco trotted along after him on his horrendusly sausage-like legs, (But they weren't that horrenduly sausage-like, really) which left Severus and Sandy quite alone.

Severus suddenly looked like a whole different person to Sandy, when Severus looked across the table into Sandy's deep blue eyes and wispered,"I know we weren't the best of friends back in Hogwarts, but WTF, babe? Can't we put that behind us?"

Sandy was quite bewildered and didn't even what to think about this relationship, so she sat there in silence, staring right back intot those flickering eyes.

Slowly Severus climbed on top of the table, crawling ever nearer to her. Innitiatingcontact, Sandy reached out towards him. Bringing his lips to meet hers, she weaved her hand through his shaggy hair, before bringing it lower to touch all over every inch of his body. She puched him onto his back, still lying on the table, as the lights magically dimmed...

Meanwhile, at the Gorrialla Unit Concert, Draco was temperarally split up from his father, only to find the old gang of Harry Potter, Harry's girlfriend, Ginny, And Ron and Hermione.

Ginny, who was wearing quite a slutty outfit, was suductively dealing Draco some Crack. Sliding into Draco's lap and staring into his eys.

Draco then questioned,"So, what does this stuff accually do?"

"Well, it makes _me_ horney, sexy. These Muggles sure know how to have a good time."

Waving Crack around his face, thaey suddenly heard an ecoing BOOM! Everyone turned to see Hermione lying motionless on the floor. (Well that's what they get for going to a G-Unit concert...)

After a few seconds of a sad and stunned silence, Ginny turned back to Draco's face, "So how about it? Meet me in the Bathroom later?"

Everyone but Ginny and Draco seemed to care much about Hermione's being shot. Ginny was to busy attemping to seduce Draco while Draco himself was staring avidly at Harry, who was looking like a real hunksickle in his sexy, skin-tight, low-rise, sleek, black leather pants. Harry was bending over, absorbed over Hermione on the floor, and Draco was absored in the tight, shiny arse right in front of his face.

Harry turned around, looked into Draco's innocent eyes and asked, "Do these pants make my butt look big?"

When Draco didn't respond immediately, struck by the fact that Harry was accually speaking to him, Harry's eyebrows narrowed as he said, "ARE YOU SAYING I'M FAT!?!?!?!" as he threw the seven pounds of Cociane in his hands in Draco's face.

The bag of cociane exploded open, immediately blurring Draco's sences. He was extremely high! But then, his father turned up, hot and sweaty, but looking quite refreashed, but casting his eye on his only son, his face became stern.

"Draco, how could you get high? Without me? I just had the best time of my life with the Muggle band G-Unit and you have to ruin it by not letting me in on all the fun? Maybe I _won't_ give you the entire talk after all. We are going home now, Son_!"_

Lucius Pulled out Draco's ear, forcing his son to leave the concert!

As he left the area, Ginny called out, "What about meeting me later in the bathroom?"

"I'm sorry, you'll have to speak louder. My father just ripped out my ear."

And he ran off after his father on those horrendusly sausage-like legs. (But they're not that horrendusly sausage-like, really...)


	3. QuiteAWhileLater

**We'd like to thank a special friend, Kendall (BlueEyedWonder) for helping us with this chapter! Muah! We love ya Kendall!**

* * *

Quite a while later…

**Lucius was whipping Draco's petite little bottom with his pimp stick all the way home. **

"**Daddy, daddy! I promise I'll never smoke crack without you ever again!" **

**At that moment Lucius stopped hitting him. **

"**Very well. We are of one accord. When you go home check the basement and you can have some se—CANDY."**

**Draco's eyes lit up, "Can Harry come over? Can we share candy?" **

"**You may never see that mudblood lover with the tight arse ever again!" Lucius said ferociously. **

**At the Pimp Shack (convienyently located next to Severus' house)**

"**OH SANDY!" Severus moaned as she as she madelooooooove to him, sweet, sweet loooove to him. "My turn!" as he lunged with his cock (which happens to be horrendously sausage like…….but you didn't hear it from us) **

"OH SEVERUS!" Sandy moaned as he made looooooove to her sweet, sweet looooooooove. "My turn!" as she lunged toward him with her VAGIIIIINA! (which happens to be horrendously bagel like…….but you didn't hear it from us) "Severus do you have anymore of those love Trix?" "Of course not!" he replied as he shoved the cereal box under the heart shaped bed. "Silly Sandy, Trix are for kids!" Sandy's grew wide, "Sevvieee are you implying I am not as young as I once was?? You think I'm fat and that my boobs aren't healthy!" as she stormed out with her HEALTHY breasts bouncing all the way. Whilst storming stumbled upon Dracolooking for candy.

"Hello, Draco how are you today?"she greeted.

"Terribly upset and distraught! My Daddy misplaced my candy again! Well how are you?"

"Well apart from being naked, in the middle of storming, and having unhealthy boobs……perfectly fine!"

"Oh, well I don't think they're unhealthy in fact, they are the healthiest boobs I've ever seen!" the conversation went silent.

Finally.. "You've seen many boobs have you?"

**  
"Well actually" Draco started, " I think I'm gay, but I don't know if I'm gay because Daddy hasn't gave me the talk yet. See I don't know when he will give me the talk so I don't know when I'll find out I'm gay." He said this all breathlessly and by the end Sandy in all her naked glory seemed determined. "Well then young Draco, whats the fuss with all this waiting? Ill sit you down right now and we'll have the talk, and you can find out if you're an arse bandit." **

"Now there comes a time in every mans or boys life…"


	4. WillMrHarryPotterReportToTheMR

We would like to thank Cammie for Rule number one and Dreyer's Ice Cream for their loving help and support for this chapter.

* * *

"Under no cir**_CUM_**stances are you to tell anyone about this room, Harry." Dumbledore commanded striking Harry with his whip.

Harry jumped back in surprise, wondering what the room was for. Harry looked around the dimly lit room with a rotating lightning bolt shaped bed and maroon walls.

Dumbledore helped Harry back into his belly shirt and began to cover the rules. "Rule number one: dont play with Beefy McManstick on Tuesday nights. Rule number two: I reserve the right to freeze you in a tube of ice cream or throw you in a pit of lava at any given time. Rule number three: If I want to make crazy-ass noises during sexual intercourse, I shall, but you are NOT permitted! Rule number 4: No eating Dreyer's Slow-churned Rich and Creamy Light Neapolitan Ice Cream with all natural flavouring with half the fat and a third fewer calories or any of the other 18 favourite flavours between the hours of 4:00 pm and 4:00 am. Rule number five: no burping after you swallow my seman in fear that it would get all over your size 69 shredded Abercrombie jeans. Get it? Got it? GOOOOOOD."

Harry looked up from his well-taken notes and asked, "Could you repeat rule number four, please. Didn't quite catch all of it."

"Rule number 4: No eating Dreyer's Slow-churned Rich and Creamy Light Neapolitan Ice Cream with all natural flavouring with half the fat and a third fewer calories or any of the other 18 favourite flavours between the hours of 4:00 pm and 4:00 am."

Harry nodded his head intently and began to hump the bed spread. "God, I'm gunna miss this place now that I know of it. This bedspread can really turn one on."

"You are never to tell anyone of the Molester Room (aka MR!), Harry, or I will drown you after I rape you during Potions class, understood?"

"Severus must know of your power with sex. I respect that."

"You are on first name terms with your potions master? Have YOU been...seeing...him? Allow me to issue rule number six, just now created. I do NOT tolerate that type of behavious behaviour. School is a place of learning!"

"Then why are we doing...this...together," Harry asked sadly, staring at him from across the bed.

"Harry, Harry, my Hairy Harry, this IS a learning experience, don't you see? But I think Severus, or Professor Snape as you must call him Harry, should refrain from teaching things out of his... area. MY tattoos look like rotten bruises. Be greatful you are young with beautiful tattoos."

"But I don't have any tattoos," Harry replied. He then saw the shackles on the wall, and realized for the first time what he had gotten himself into. He then gazed into his headmaster's(in more ways then one. HEADmaster!) eye's and saw the love blazing in them, PASSIONATE love!

"...You do now," He answered plainly and softly, licking his lips.

And Harry looked down and stared at his one eyed trouser snake (aka DIIIIIICK!) and gasped.


	5. PizzlesPlus

_Valued Readers:_

_Apologies for the prolonged wait. As our profile states, we only have access to a computer while in the presence of muggles, which in this case has been approximately 8 years. Without further ado, please enjoy the much anticipated Chapter 5!_

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO_  
_

Harry awoke from the horrible nightmare trembling and dripping in sweat. He turned over and looked down at his penis. To his utter horror, he saw a dark mark emblazoned into his foreskin.

* * *

Draco stared at Sandy in shock. He had never even imagined sex with a woman before. He felt as though he might vomit. Then he whispered darkly, "Are there any alternatives to... vaginal intercourse... as you call it?"

"Well, son," Sandy began, "I mean Draco! You could explore the possibility of arse banditry." When Draco continued to stare blankly, she continued, "You know. Anal."

Suddenly, Draco felt his member begin to awaken rapidly. He quickly adjusted his school robes, trying to hide the evidence.

Sandy rolled her eyes and said, "Now that we've got that under control, I can tell you that I'm your mother!"

"No," Draco whispered, horrified, averting his attention from her breasts.

* * *

Harry and Ron happily trotted down to the Great Hall to munch on their bacon and potatoes. They sat down next to Hermione and noticed Ginny sitting alone at the far end of the table.

"Why's she alone?" Ron asked.

Hermione grimaced. It pained her to speak ever since she was shot in the face at the concert. "She's the freak who talked to Tom Riddle two years ago." Hermione then attempted to drink some coffee, but most of it dribbled down her front onto her school robes.

"Oh yeah. I almost forgot about that!" Ron screamed as he threw a book at Ginny's head. It whizzed passed, missing only by inches.

"Should have let the Quidditch star, ME, handle the tossing," Harry snarled through his teeth while crouching over his plate menacingly.

"What's got your panties in a twist?" Hermione inquired.

Harry leaned in close, "Well. Something strange happened last night and you won't believe what I saw on my genitals this morning."

"Ew," remarked Ron.

Hermione smacked Ron squarely in the ribs, making him squeal. "Don't be so insensitive!" She blurted and laid a comforting hand on Harry's shoulder. "Do you need to go see Madam Pomfrey?"

"No! I can't! This is far too private. I've got a dark mark on my privates."

Suddenly, a girl with long ebony black hair (that's how she got her name) with purple streaks and red tips that reached her mid-back sulked out of the shadows towards the Gryffindors. She had icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people had told her she looked like Amy Lee with her pale white skin. She was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it along with a black leather miniskirt. Pink fishnets and black combat boots completed the ensemble. Her face was set with white foundation and adored with black lipstick, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.

"Potter, whatever are you fags talking about?" She demanded.

Hermione flinched, "Please Ebony. Just leave."

"Shut up, mudblood! I come bearing vital information pertaining to young Harry Potter's tainted pizzle."

Ron snorted, spewing bacon from his nose all over the table, causing Gryffindors to scatter. Harry was unfazed by this and looked up at Ebony with hopeful eyes.

Ebony quickly swiped a knife from the table and cut off Harry's dong and ate it.

"You wouldn't understand, being fucking preps and all, but a dark marked penis devoured the morning after the full moon will grant the consumer all the power Satan has to give his worthy follower. WHY AM I SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL, LORD SATAN! IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!"

Hermione shuddered and retorted, "Seriously, Ebony. Piss off."

Ebony retreated into the shadows from whence she came.

Harry's tears slowly leaked from his eyes as he adjusted to life with only balls for company. Hermione attempted to pour another cup of coffee for herself, only to spill the entire contents of the pot onto a most affronted Seamus Finnigan.


End file.
